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Dont make it look so pretty burning

Apr. 14th, 2005

08:01 pm

Go find me on myspace bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apr. 9th, 2005

03:33 pm

"Even if you are on the right track, you'll still get run over if you just sit there"

Apr. 7th, 2005

05:36 pm

I am bored so I am going to write down lyrics that describe how I feel right now. Or somewhat close. You know because I make my boyfriend in a bad mood. And my whole family hates me right now for some reason. Whatever though. Music will either make it worse or better. I can sit hear for a long time crying. Believe me. Dashboard is always good. Doesn't really make you feel better, it makes you feel worse but you see I am a depressed person and I am pessamistic so thats what I should do. Make myself feel worse and waste away for the next week or so until something worse comes along. Cause I am such a mean person and I deserve all this pain that I am so blessed to feel everyday. Emily, Heather, and Nikki are the only people who don't piss me off and I don't even get to see them. They probably think I just ignore them all the time. They probably don't even like me anymore. Well they like me but they probably get annoyed with me quite a lot. Cause I spend all my time with Alex. Which you know didn't really bug me until I found out I put him in a bad mood. And he gets mad at the way I am everyday. I told him the last time we fought that he needed to prove to me that this relashionship was worth it and he has just reinforced to me that this relashionship has run its course. God that is depressing as hell to say. I keep saying to myself that it isn't true. but he keeps proving me wrong over and over again. He is not even trying to change anything. I hope things get better. I hope to god or satan or allah or whoever the hell is listening that things get better.

"These are the days it never rains but it pours......."-Under Pressure, David Bowie and Queen

"Ignoring the phone, I'd rather say nothing, I'd rather you never heard my voice. Your calling too late. Too late to be gracious.You do not warrent long goodbyes."-Best Deceptions, Dashboard confessional

"I'll try," she said as he walked away.
"Try not to lose you."
Two vibrant hearts could change.
Nothing tears the being more than deception,
unmasked fear.
I'll be here waiting" tested and secure.
I wish I could be the one,
the one who won't care at all
But being the one on the stand,
I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.
When time soaked with blood turns its back,
I know it's hard to fall.
Confided in me was your heart
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me"-Unholy Confessions, A7X

I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means
(I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out- I'm not okay, MCR


I am gonna to go on a drive now and maybe I will crash.............


"On the way home,
this car hears my confessions.
I think tonight I'll take the long way.
This weather.
The wind outside is biting.
It has left me feeling tired & exposed.
You've been asking me to bleed.
It seems these kinds of questions
They come too easy to you now.
Your lack of shame comes naturally.
I should not be suprised.
I should have seen it sooner.

You expect me to apologize
for things that you've done wrong.
While you're inciting others.
You're owning up to nothing
and I wish that I was gone,
because you're not going anywhere.

This damp air
is fighting my defroster.
My sighs they ring victorious
& fog this tinted glass.
It's clouded
& so is my head.
The hint of these new tears are sharp.
I try to choke them back.
But it's useless.
I am useless against them.
They are beating me with ease.

On the way home
this car hears my confessions.
I think tonight I'll take the long way."




Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: none I am leaving

Mar. 25th, 2005

11:19 am - havd another taste of chaos

you know what they do to guys like us in prisonCollapse )

Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
Current Music: blink 182

Mar. 22nd, 2005

03:48 pm - All the cracks they lead right to me......

Have you ever:
1. Kissed your cousin: Not like a kiss where its all like "o god i love you" but like a "were family kiss"
2. Ran away: When I was like a little kid I ran away underneath this bush thing in my backyard but then my mom made macaroni so I had to come back in.
5. Broken someone's heart: Yes sadly. Two people. But I won't name names just because that would be mean.
6. Been in love: Yes
7. Cried when someone died: I cried when my great uncle died and when my dog casey died.
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: Yeah, but I eventually got over it. And if you count famous people the list gets even bigger.
9. Broken a bone: I have broken my toe a couple of times and I think my pinky once.
10. Dumped someone cuz of their hair: Actually yes. My ex boyfriend zach when he shaved his head. But I guess that is dumping someone for their lack of hair.
11. Lied: Yes. I used be like a compolsive liar when I was little but I got over it. Now I only lie sometimes and its never big.
12. Skipped School: No. One time I went to teen counsoling when I was told not to that might count.
13. Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi, because of mountain dew.
14. Sprite or 7UP: They are both gross but probably sprite
16. Flowers or candy: Flowers smell good and they don't make you fat.
17. Britney or X-Tina: X-Tina? Ummm I guess Britney, though they both suck
18. Quiet or Loud: Quiet. Loud
19. Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes
20. Bitchy or Slutty: Bitchy
21. Tall or Short: Short
22. Pants or Shorts: Pants. I absoluty hate wearing shorts.

With the opposite sex:
23. What do you notice first: eyes
24. Last person you slow danced with: nikki
25. Worst Question To Ask: Are you ok?

The last time:
26. Showered: Yesterday
27. Told someone you loved them: Alex
28. Talked to your grandma: Like three four days ago.

What is (your favorite):
29. Your Good Luck Charm: the pen that bert signed my autograph with.
30. Person You Hate Most: Angie.
31. Best Thing That Has Happened: Alex.
32. Color: Pink, Purple, and black.
33. Movie: halloween/pirates of the carribean
34. Subject in school: english, photography
35. Juice: grape
36. Cars: cadilacs(i think i spelled that wrong but o well)
37. Ice Cream: black rassberry chip and choclate chip
39. Season: summer
40. Breakfast Food: donuts
41. Song: taste of ink- the used
42. Favorite food: mexican or chinese
43. Makes you laugh the most: Dobbs, Brian, and elijah
44. Which one of your friends make you smile: all of them have their moments
45. Can make you feel better no matter what: Mark.
46. Has A Crush On you? Damn I don't know
47. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: no
48. Who Has it easier? guys
49. Gives you A Funny Feeling When You See Them: I don't know. What do you mean by funny?
Do you ever:
50. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: I have but not all the time
51. Save AOL conversations: never
52. Save Emails: sometimes
53. Wish you were someone else: No...no matter how many times I say I hate myself and wish I were dead, I could be a lot worse off and I woulnd't want to risk it.
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: when i am on my period

55. Hairstyle: striaght
56. Body spray: vanilla.
57. Perfume: that britney spears stuff. she stinks but her perfume smells good.

Have You:
61. Fallen for your best girl friend?: no
64. Been in love?: yes.
65. Been in lust?: hell yes.
66. Used someone?: no.
68. Cheated on someone?: never.
71. Done something you regret?: i don't regret anything.

Who’s The Last Person:
73. You talked to?: my dad.
74. You hugged?: heather.
75. You instant messaged?: Alex.
78. You yelled at? Rebecca

Other Stuff:
82. Color your hair? not yet but i am going to really soon.
83. Have tattoos? nut yet sadly
84. Have piercings? again not yet. but that is more because i hate needles going through things.
85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend? yes
86. Own a webcam? no
87. Song you can listen to forever? taste of ink
88. Ever get off the damn computer? sometimes
Have you/do you/are you...
92. Stolen anything? yeah a long time ago
93. Smoke? nope
94. Schizophrenic? let me check..............no,yes,no,yes,no. AHHH I am so confused.
95. Obsessive? about some things
98. Panic? not really
99. Confused bout who you love? not really, i have been.
100. Glasses/Braces? nope

Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: sunday morning- no doubt

Mar. 21st, 2005

07:31 pm - Taste of chaos pictures

I am warnig you these pictures suck major ass. My camera was like going nuts that night. Zooming in sooming out flash no flash. It just sucked but hell the concert was fun so o well.


Under Pressure........Collapse )

Current Mood: irritatedirritated

Mar. 17th, 2005

09:14 pm

Like my new stupid background? I don't. But it is just temporary until I find a better one. I wanna make one but that takes so much time and effort. It is too much. The heart a gram one just got old. But I bet you 10 bucks I will have it back up tomorrow. I think I am going to take some surveys cause I honestly have nothing better to do.

BOred as hellCollapse )

Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: eve 6

Mar. 10th, 2005

02:46 pm - What a shity day.

Your world is coming to it's end But you don't have to be afraid - I'm here for you Save your happiness for tomorrow And today we'll drown in your tears A drop of your blood tastes like wine today Come closer my dear It is just the beginning of the end Yes, I'm here for you Save your happiness for tomorrow And today we'll drown in your tears A drop of your blood tastes like wine today And because I love you so And I'm here for you Save your happiness for tomorrow And today we'll drown in your tears A drop of your blood tastes like wine today Save your happiness for tomorrow And today we'll drown in your tears Your blood tastes like life today Will you let it rain Let it rain So won't you let it rain Oh, let it rain Won't you let it rain?

i can dream can't i.......................

I wish real guys could feel this way about someone. And say it like this. But I guess that is asking too much.

Current Mood: crankycranky
Current Music: paul Mccartney

Mar. 7th, 2005

07:07 pm

Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure
That burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets

Bah bah bah bah bah bah
Bah bah bah bah bah bah

That’s o-kay!
It’s the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming let me out!
Pray tomorrow takes me higher
Pressure on people
People on streets

Do do do bah bah bah bah
Chippin’ around
Kick my brains round the floor
These are the days
It never rains but it pours
People on streets
People on streets

It’s the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming let me out!
Pray tomorrow takes me higher higher higher
Pressure on people
People on streets
Turned away from it all
Like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don’t work
Keep coming up with love
But it’s so slashed and torn
Why why why?
Love love love love

Insanity laughs under pressure we’re cracking
Can’t we give ourselves one more chance?
Why can’t we give love that one more chance?
Why can’t we give love give love give love?
Give love give love give love give love give love?
Cause love’s such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care
For people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way
Of caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves under pressure
Under pressure pressure

Current Mood: creativecreative
Current Music: under pressure- david bowie + queen

Mar. 6th, 2005

12:12 pm


Current Mood: blahblah

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